"I had 2 dates in one day, I almost had 3 dates in one day. But only one was with a girl I actually wanted to date."

At least he's dating in general.

2 guys in the HFAC after watching some loud video "It combines 3 of my favorite things: Koreans, gun slingers, and motorcycles with side cars."

testimony meeting this fall semester: Guy 1 "I'd like to bear my testimony, I know this church is true, I know that Wilford Woodruff was a prophet, and that Thomas S. Monson is a prophet today." Guy 2: "I would like to thank [Guy 1] for his testimony because I also know that Wilford Woodruff was a prophet…"

Both from Dr. Robison

"You ever seen beef extract? It’s this brown, thick liquid maybe thin paste… basically take a cow and boil it into a brown paste."

Talking about viewing bacterial flagella under a microscope – "We have to put this stuff on that cakes the flagella and makes it about 10 times bigger… it’s like bacterial mascara, right?"

A Hispanic Linguistics grad student talking about hye rollers upon seeing them for the first time: "They look like giant Mexican sushi!"